Dating Etiquette

by Ian McNeice

• Dating should always be fun and it is as much your responsibility to ensure it is. When you are dating ensure that you do everything you can to make the meeting enjoyable.
• Eye contact is crucial when dating so it is good etiquette to provide as much attention as possible to your date. They should feel that they are the only person in the room. If you use the date as an excuse for general partying you failed.
• You will be courteous and complimentary. Your date has made an effort for you and your personal opinions are not welcome at this stage.
• As a man you must never talk to a woman's breasts. They hate it. Being appreciated for her feminine charms is one thing, but talking to her breasts is down right rude and is not acceptable, so hold her gaze throughout.
• You will always turn up for a date unless you have given enough time for it to be canceled. Standing someone up is not acceptable adult behavior, and shows contempt for your prospective date by wasting their time. This kind of arrogance is detestable.
• You will always turn up on time and not keep your date waiting. If the transport is unreliable set off in good time. Being punctual shows respect for your date and illustrates how organized you are.
• You will not be flash or extravagant. These are the domain of the classless rich who impress with their wealth. It shows no taste whatsoever to throw your credit card about and entertain with champagne unless you are simply after cheap thrills.
• Smoking and drinking copious amounts on dates are no good unless the love of both is shared by both parties. Smoking in a restaurant will do nothing for your image and shows crass disregard for others.
• You will not be opinionated or arrogant on a date and you will try to avoid discussions on politics and religion in the early stages. You may be very opinionated on certain topics and maybe for good reason but that does not mean you are right. You will come across badly to your date of you act like this. Arrogance makes most people feel uncomfortable so avoid at all costs.
• You will never argue or be rude to others on a date, it simply is not acceptable. You are trying to show your good side so arguing over service charge or whether the wine is chilled enough will make you look a fool. Arguing with a waiter is a huge no-no.
• You will be a listener and not talk your date to death, particularly if you are male. Listening shows interest and the ability to compromise. If your idea of a date is talking about yourself and your opinions all night then do the world a favor and stay at home alone.
• You will make an effort to dress well. In this day and age there is absolutely no excuse to look bad. Poor dress sense shows laziness and will do nothing to promote you. Furthermore it shows a lack of respect for your date who has made an effort.
• You will make an effort to be fresh and smell good. I cannot believe I have to mention hygiene to men (and the odd woman !) so frequently. You should be shaven, bathed and smell very good. It costs nothing except a bottle of good quality cologne and some shower gel.
• You will never swear and use uncouth language as you will come across as an idiot. Leave street talk to later. If you want to find the girl of your dreams, then treat her with respect. Women are able to use strong language in more effective subtle ways but even so, leave it on the first date if possible.
• Never ever will you discuss your ex dates or how many people you have slept with. This is the domain of enigma. As a man, you will not be encouraged to discuss sex however hard she tries to provoke you. Ignore this message at your peril as I know what I am talking about. The longer you sustain the mystery the better your chances.
• If you don't like your date then don't be quick to give them a hard time. They are human beings like you and they deserve always to be treated with respect. You can and will have a good time with someone you are not attracted to, so treating someone badly because they are not your type is not acceptable behavior. Rudeness is not allowed.
• You will never tell lies on a date either to get someone into bed or to promote yourself because you WILL get found out. Maybe not now but probably when it is too late. Tell the truth or avoid a subject if necessary.
• As a man you will pay the bill on the first date without question and you will not discuss money openly at this stage. Money discussions are crass and lack sophistication.
• You will ensure your date feels comfortable at all times and encourage their feelings of comfort if you detect any signals of being uncomfortable. You will also ensure that your date gets home safely in a cab etc.
• You will never try and sleep with your date on the first occasion but any method. Sex comes later my friend, no arguments. If you do sleep with them on the first date, the chances are it is over before it began.
• You will make sure you are as entertaining and witty as possible and will not reply on alcohol to see you through. Getting wasted on a date shows no respect whatsoever and makes a mockery of the whole situation.
• You will call when you promise to call and not keep someone hanging on. If you don't like your date then don't falsely promise anything or leave the door open. Again this shows a great disrespect for your date if you do. Waiting for the phone to ring has long term repercussions.